The most wonderful thing happened to me the other night at work. I've been stressing about work being slow and about PhD applications lately. If it's slow I have time to think, and usually what I'm thinking is: what am I doing here? And with apps, I read descriptions of some of these programs, some of which I am completely not qualified for, and I get anxious, and it's scary, and with the two of these occurring at the same time, I start to think: maybe I should just run off somewhere cheap and write for a while. That would be nice, yes, and I think very highly of travel, but it's unrealistic right now (see above re: work being slow), and so then that gets me down more, and it's this huge ridiculous cycle.
So the other night, Saturday night, I got called in, and I had a totally rookie station (three four tops and a six), and it wasn't that busy, but it was okay, and my second table is a vip - not anyone famous or anything (Madge was in two weeks ago), but this guy has been there 46 times, so the company is very concerned with making sure he is happy. That's a lot of pressure, by the way, but I handled it beautifully, everything went fine.
So they've paid, and I'm clearing their dessert plates and the vip says, "What's your name? How have you not waited on me before? You're not new?" "Oh, no," I say, "I was here for five months last year, then I left to write my thesis, and now I've been back for about five, six months now." "Did you finish your thesis?" another gentleman asked. (There were four of them, three guys in their late thirties/early forties, I would guess, and one's teenage son.) "Yes," I say, "I now have a master's degree." "In what?" "Humanities and Social Thought." Various congratulations, and one of them asks what I'm going to do with that, and I say, "I'm applying to PhD programs," and we all chuckle and murmur because what else could I possibly do with a master's degree in Humanities and Social Thought for fuck's sake, and the vip says, "Don't worry, it's totally worth it, we've all been there," and I say, "Is it? I really need to hear that right now," and I do and I meant it, and I say something about the application process being sort of grueling, and he says, "no, I remember."
And then he quotes the Aeneid to me. In Latin. And then in English, but I don't remember the words only the sense because I am completely blown away and knocked off my feet, jaw on the floor, but it's something Aeneas says about the journey and what it comes down to is that it's all worth it.
And all I can say is, "That's awesome," quietly and almost to myself.
"So you're working here to pay bills?" he asks. With this smile that had less to do with the tequila and more to do with just knowing, just totally getting it.
"Yes I am," I say. And I tell them to have a great night and I walk to the back to put the tower of plates in my hands at the dish station in this daze. Because that was exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it and it came out of nowhere and holy cow.
So I have this renewed sense of purpose and am in love with life as usual, which is why I decided this afternoon to go to a Broadway show tonight, and it's so great to be on a path and have the journey so in my field of vision. I don't know what's coming, but I will wait for it, and I will be prepared, and it will be beautiful.
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