I have often felt over the years that I am watching my life unfold. Is this a side-effect of growing up with television? Maybe. My sort of stock-advice for unanswerable situations has always been, just wait and see what happens. That doesn't mean that sitting back and letting things happen as they do shouldn't be balanced with a healthy dose of active decision-making, don't get me wrong. You have to work really fucking hard to accumulate the luxury of being able to take a step back. ...This is skewing into a train of thought I hadn't intended, perhaps.
What I was really thinking when I decided to explore the idea of observing one's own life was that I can't believe I'm getting ready to get on a plane for Russia, first of all, and that I'm not sure how I'm ever going to write my Memoirs (I just read Sam Selvon's Moses Ascending and am saying "Memoirs" a bit sardonically), truth being stranger than fiction and all (so not true), life being as full of turns as it is. This is high drama. Exciting stuff. Full of intrigue. International travel. People come in and go out of your world. And back in, and back out. Secrets are revealed. Decisions must be made. Careers are built and destroyed. Hearts are broken. Vital information is miscommunicated. Family issues lay unresolved. And always there is the music.
In four hours I will be on a plane, and tomorrow I will be in Petersburg in time for lunch. Incredible.
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