this video is pretty darn cool. I love when apparently ugly elements are put together to create something beautiful. Granted, the background music was decidedly prettier than the noise of the machines, I'm quite sure. But transforming clunkiness into grace is still a rather remarkable accomplishment.
And speaking of accomplishments: I've inputted almost all of my comments and my adviser's comments onto my thesis draft and will then be able to start building the next draft.
But, as you can see from the above link, I'm currently exploring I Blame the Sea at asofterworld.com, both of which are pretty fantastic. My roommate introduced me to the Overqualified letters the night before last, which are also pretty great.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
When I said "play"
perhaps I should have specified that we actually were going to see three one-act plays written by Ethan Coen entitled Almost an Evening and starring F. Murray Abraham, Johanna Day, Mark Linn-Baker of Perfect Strangers fame, Joey Slotnick who was absolutely amazing in the first play, and a bunch of other very talented people. We laughed almost the entire time. It was great. AND we had free tickets. But I would totally have paid the student ticket rate of $20, and if you can afford it, the full ticket price of $50 is well worth it. It's only money, after all, and this was incredibly good theatre, which is priceless.
I'm going to be writing this evening, which is probably why I've been procrastinating all afternoon. Why is it that the thought that if I get it done I will be done is not compelling me to action? I need caffeine.
I'm going to be writing this evening, which is probably why I've been procrastinating all afternoon. Why is it that the thought that if I get it done I will be done is not compelling me to action? I need caffeine.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Quick glance
at today's headlines:
Sisters in Idiosyncrasy about a bicoastal creative class, which made me want to take greater advantage of living here. And then I reminded myself that I'm getting a master's degree and writing a thesis at the moment, so 'taking greater advantage' will have to wait a few months, which is fine.
Obama Communicates, Even Without Words about Obama's recent appearance on the View (which I have to admit I've only seen a few partial episodes of). The article sort of focuses on body language, but I have to point out that communicating "even without words" implies that it's surprising that he (a man) can handle being "surrounded by women" (which is how he put it, but he was referring specifically to his home life), which, lets face it, is - wait, what is it? This drives me crazy, this pervasive gender split, I was thinking about this last night as I walked past a window display at the Gap (whose spring line features classic slacks, button-downs, and cardigans for guys of all ages and "light and airy" pastel spring dresses for women of all ages). I don't think the split is so decisive, but advertisers (this will be my scapegoat today) seem to think so. Back to the article: notice that all of the women except Whoopi Goldberg are wearing skirts and heels and have their legs crossed towards Obama? Why is it still the "norm" for 'dressed-up' to mean 'in a dress'? Don't get me wrong: I like dresses as much as the next person. In the warmer months. (It's 42 degrees outside - I'm wearing jeans and boots, thanks. And knee socks and a sweater under my wool coat and scarf.)
It really upsets me that what passes for women's fashion isn't meant to keep us warm.
And hooray for science: Study Ties Genetic Variation to Schizophrenia. Although I have to admit that a small part of me is wary about what pseudo-science is capable of doing with this information...
And speaking of pseudo-science, what is up with the New York Times' headlines lately: Asking a Judge to Save the World, and Maybe a Whole Lot More. Really? This seems a bit inflammatory given the content of the article, in which scientists working on the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva scoff (that's right: scoff!) at two men - one of whom 'probably' lives in Barcelona? wtf?? - who are suing CERN because they think the collider may create a mini black hole that will swallow the earth and the solar system and the galaxy and, hell, maybe the universe. While I am inclined to view advances like this as potentially dangerous (the article does mention the atomic bomb), and even though I am reading all of this apocalyptic literary criticism and what have you, let's look at the opening of the article for just a sec:
"More fighting in Iraq. Somalia in chaos. People in this country can’t afford their mortgages and in some places now they can’t even afford rice. None of this nor the rest of the grimness on the front page today will matter a bit, though, if two men pursuing a lawsuit in federal court in Hawaii turn out to be right." Really, Dennis Overbye? Is that really the part of the article we want people to read? Don't worry, kids, there are lots of fucked up things going on between people on this planet, but "none of this... will matter a bit," and you may as well not give two shits because a group of scientists somewhere may blow up the whole goddamned universe if these two guys (one of which doesn't even know where the other one is!!) just by chance might be right about something even the scientist whose work they cite on their website says they don't understand, but they filed a lawsuit (in a court which doesn't have jurisdiction over the project!), so maybe that means we should heed their warning of impending doom. *exhale*
Also, if you don't know about Earth Hour tonight, check it out.
Anyway, I am going to make myself a huge lunch and enjoy the sunshine, even if it's from this side of the blinds. I've started my day off with a little opera and some Earl Grey tea, and I might be going to a play later, and then we're celebrating my friend's birthday. Brilliant.
Sisters in Idiosyncrasy about a bicoastal creative class, which made me want to take greater advantage of living here. And then I reminded myself that I'm getting a master's degree and writing a thesis at the moment, so 'taking greater advantage' will have to wait a few months, which is fine.
Obama Communicates, Even Without Words about Obama's recent appearance on the View (which I have to admit I've only seen a few partial episodes of). The article sort of focuses on body language, but I have to point out that communicating "even without words" implies that it's surprising that he (a man) can handle being "surrounded by women" (which is how he put it, but he was referring specifically to his home life), which, lets face it, is - wait, what is it? This drives me crazy, this pervasive gender split, I was thinking about this last night as I walked past a window display at the Gap (whose spring line features classic slacks, button-downs, and cardigans for guys of all ages and "light and airy" pastel spring dresses for women of all ages). I don't think the split is so decisive, but advertisers (this will be my scapegoat today) seem to think so. Back to the article: notice that all of the women except Whoopi Goldberg are wearing skirts and heels and have their legs crossed towards Obama? Why is it still the "norm" for 'dressed-up' to mean 'in a dress'? Don't get me wrong: I like dresses as much as the next person. In the warmer months. (It's 42 degrees outside - I'm wearing jeans and boots, thanks. And knee socks and a sweater under my wool coat and scarf.)
It really upsets me that what passes for women's fashion isn't meant to keep us warm.
And hooray for science: Study Ties Genetic Variation to Schizophrenia. Although I have to admit that a small part of me is wary about what pseudo-science is capable of doing with this information...
And speaking of pseudo-science, what is up with the New York Times' headlines lately: Asking a Judge to Save the World, and Maybe a Whole Lot More. Really? This seems a bit inflammatory given the content of the article, in which scientists working on the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva scoff (that's right: scoff!) at two men - one of whom 'probably' lives in Barcelona? wtf?? - who are suing CERN because they think the collider may create a mini black hole that will swallow the earth and the solar system and the galaxy and, hell, maybe the universe. While I am inclined to view advances like this as potentially dangerous (the article does mention the atomic bomb), and even though I am reading all of this apocalyptic literary criticism and what have you, let's look at the opening of the article for just a sec:
"More fighting in Iraq. Somalia in chaos. People in this country can’t afford their mortgages and in some places now they can’t even afford rice. None of this nor the rest of the grimness on the front page today will matter a bit, though, if two men pursuing a lawsuit in federal court in Hawaii turn out to be right." Really, Dennis Overbye? Is that really the part of the article we want people to read? Don't worry, kids, there are lots of fucked up things going on between people on this planet, but "none of this... will matter a bit," and you may as well not give two shits because a group of scientists somewhere may blow up the whole goddamned universe if these two guys (one of which doesn't even know where the other one is!!) just by chance might be right about something even the scientist whose work they cite on their website says they don't understand, but they filed a lawsuit (in a court which doesn't have jurisdiction over the project!), so maybe that means we should heed their warning of impending doom. *exhale*
Also, if you don't know about Earth Hour tonight, check it out.
Anyway, I am going to make myself a huge lunch and enjoy the sunshine, even if it's from this side of the blinds. I've started my day off with a little opera and some Earl Grey tea, and I might be going to a play later, and then we're celebrating my friend's birthday. Brilliant.
Friday, March 28, 2008
I don't know if
it's the bag of green m&m's my sister sent me in my easter basket, but I feel completely energized today, totally ready to get to work. It also might be that my adviser just emailed me and said she's extending my deadline, but this means that what I will be giving her is a final perfect thesis. For whatever reason, this makes me feel like a weight has been lifted, like less constricted or something. Instead of having another version that's not-quite-done, I can just get down to business. Which is what I'm going to do. And quickly, before panic begins to set in again.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
So, I get these
daily Buddhist meditations on my google hompage, and the one for yesterday was really good: "If only I could throw away the urge to trace my patterns in your heart, I could really see you." - David Brandon (Zen in the Art of Helping). And it fits in with my thesis, oddly enough, not that I'm going to quote it or anything, it doesn't fit that well. But I think whether we take the "your heart" to be metaphorical or more (poetically speaking) literal, one of the messages seems to be that when you presuppose a pattern in the past or when you're looking for yourself in another person's actions, you close off the possibility of any 'real' knowledge, which is maybe why really knowing anything is impossible. If only...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Really interesting
blog on Dot Earth the other day (which I've just read). Talk about recycling. It's always amazed me that we (globally) are not doing more with our waste, but I totally get the idea that it's taboo, and if it seems like taboos are something we have somehow gotten past or are too civilized for or something similarly elitist, just think about what you do with yours. (See: I can't even write that more clearly because I don't talk about things like that.)
Everything is connected. I'm thinking specifically of economics and environmental issues (like Norway considering itself carbon-neutral if it contributes to environmental projects abroad), how what makes sense on one hand (i.e., what can be mathematically shown to be more profitable in the long run) can still go unimplemented because greedy bastards don't want to wait that long - and they're already making money now.
And now I've guilt-tripped myself out of going thrift shopping, which I thought I might actually get to today. No matter. I don't need to spend the money.
What I need to do is keep working on this thesis, which I really think is coming along nicely. I've been working really hard, but sometimes I just get to a point where I can't form a coherent thought, let alone put it in words on a screen. And my back hurts from sitting at this desk all day, and I've been up for less than two hours. A little yoga sounds to be in order. Namaste.
Everything is connected. I'm thinking specifically of economics and environmental issues (like Norway considering itself carbon-neutral if it contributes to environmental projects abroad), how what makes sense on one hand (i.e., what can be mathematically shown to be more profitable in the long run) can still go unimplemented because greedy bastards don't want to wait that long - and they're already making money now.
And now I've guilt-tripped myself out of going thrift shopping, which I thought I might actually get to today. No matter. I don't need to spend the money.
What I need to do is keep working on this thesis, which I really think is coming along nicely. I've been working really hard, but sometimes I just get to a point where I can't form a coherent thought, let alone put it in words on a screen. And my back hurts from sitting at this desk all day, and I've been up for less than two hours. A little yoga sounds to be in order. Namaste.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I'm sure I've mentioned
the heating issue in our apartment before. Sometimes it comes on like the tide, once every twelve hours for a half hour or so, so that it's a decent temperature in here for like three hours and then cold again. Sometimes it doesn't come on for days at a time (ok, two, but still). Sometimes it stays on for twenty-four hours at a stretch, making it unbearably hot in here. I had the window open the night before last, and I have it open an inch or two at the moment again, which makes it kind of nice - hot and cold at the same time. It's stuffy, but I've been craving warmer weather so much lately (I know I am not alone in this), and for whatever reason I've found myself inspired to brew iced tea. I can't wait for summer. Not least of all because I'm going to Russia. And I'll be done with my thesis and have a master's under my belt. And I'll be able to wear sandals and my skin will be all sun-kissed. Mmm...
Anyhoo. Back to work. I was good last night, I stayed up until 6am typing up quotes and noting them if not analyzing them and linking them to other passages. It was getting to be a little too much at the end there, but I had made myself a deal involving a glass of Côtes du Rhône and I intended to keep it. I think I'm almost ready to start piecing together my argument for We Have Always Lived in the Castle, but I'm not sure if I shouldn't go ahead and notate Cat's Cradle. "A work like this is never done." Yeah, Uncle Julian, I know that feeling.
Fortunately, a work like this is going to be done. Thank goodness for deadlines. My friends never had an editing party, which is fine because I haven't done any more writing yet, but I am still going to get a draft to my friend in time to revise it again for my adviser, I think. Also, I forgot to mention this before, but my adviser did not advise me to read Freud, thank all that is good in this world. However, I did print out Beyond the Pleasure Principle and will read it after I turn this monster in again, most likely, or over the summer. As one of my friends put it, I hate that Freud is so important, that so many scholars reference him, but it's a vicious cycle: he's important because he's so important which makes him important. Therefore, I don't have to mention him, but I do have to know what he said.
I asked my whatever he is if he wanted to go see Los Amigos Invisibles with me next week (they're playing at Bowery Ballroom April 5 at 9pm), and his response was, "How do you know Los Amigos Invisibles?" I said, "I listen to internet radio, I know a lot of things." And it's true. That's another good thing about having to be doing ten things at once and spending all of my time in front of my computer: I've been listening to a wide range of music in a wide range of languages, mostly Spanish and French though, and I've been looking up lyrics and bands and all kinds of crazy things. I was hearing a lot of music I wouldn't have heard when I was working at the restaurant, but it was more often than not songs that are popular on the radio and in clubs, and that's not exactly my style. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike something purely on the basis that a lot of people listen to it or that it's getting a lot of airplay. That would be just as ridiculous as liking something because it was popular, just as indiscriminate. I like to put a little bit more thought into it. Or a little less. Whichever works. Anyway, my point is that my Spanish and French are improving a little more rapidly than if I wasn't listening to this music, which is good because I don't have a lot of time to devote to language study right now. Other than English, of course. I think I'm almost getting the hang of it.
Anyhoo. Back to work. I was good last night, I stayed up until 6am typing up quotes and noting them if not analyzing them and linking them to other passages. It was getting to be a little too much at the end there, but I had made myself a deal involving a glass of Côtes du Rhône and I intended to keep it. I think I'm almost ready to start piecing together my argument for We Have Always Lived in the Castle, but I'm not sure if I shouldn't go ahead and notate Cat's Cradle. "A work like this is never done." Yeah, Uncle Julian, I know that feeling.
Fortunately, a work like this is going to be done. Thank goodness for deadlines. My friends never had an editing party, which is fine because I haven't done any more writing yet, but I am still going to get a draft to my friend in time to revise it again for my adviser, I think. Also, I forgot to mention this before, but my adviser did not advise me to read Freud, thank all that is good in this world. However, I did print out Beyond the Pleasure Principle and will read it after I turn this monster in again, most likely, or over the summer. As one of my friends put it, I hate that Freud is so important, that so many scholars reference him, but it's a vicious cycle: he's important because he's so important which makes him important. Therefore, I don't have to mention him, but I do have to know what he said.
I asked my whatever he is if he wanted to go see Los Amigos Invisibles with me next week (they're playing at Bowery Ballroom April 5 at 9pm), and his response was, "How do you know Los Amigos Invisibles?" I said, "I listen to internet radio, I know a lot of things." And it's true. That's another good thing about having to be doing ten things at once and spending all of my time in front of my computer: I've been listening to a wide range of music in a wide range of languages, mostly Spanish and French though, and I've been looking up lyrics and bands and all kinds of crazy things. I was hearing a lot of music I wouldn't have heard when I was working at the restaurant, but it was more often than not songs that are popular on the radio and in clubs, and that's not exactly my style. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike something purely on the basis that a lot of people listen to it or that it's getting a lot of airplay. That would be just as ridiculous as liking something because it was popular, just as indiscriminate. I like to put a little bit more thought into it. Or a little less. Whichever works. Anyway, my point is that my Spanish and French are improving a little more rapidly than if I wasn't listening to this music, which is good because I don't have a lot of time to devote to language study right now. Other than English, of course. I think I'm almost getting the hang of it.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Where to begin...
I got a lot of work done yesterday, actually writing and analyzing. Of course, it's in unfiled notes in OneNote, so I have no idea how many words I got out or even have it in some kind of order. Which makes it easier to add to today.
Around 10pm last night, I started to run out of steam. I had two choices: jump right back in, head first, and force myself back into the groove; or be satisfied with what I had accomplished and go socialize. A friend called. Decision made. So I went to meet my friend at Sushisamba on Park Ave between 19th and 20th Sts. I didn't eat there, just had a glass of Cote du Rhone, but the atmosphere was quite nice (despite the metalwork that makes the ceiling look even lower than it already is - I get claustrophobic, but hey, it's New York), really lovely reds and dark colors, and the bartender was very nice and I had a wonderful time. My friend had a cucumber martini concoction which was delicious. It would make a great summer afternoon drink. Then I taxied uptown to Le Bateau Ivre to meet another friend. Absolutely love that place. It's so French. I highly recommend the Beaumes de Venise, which is a Southern Rhone (of course - my favorite), but they have over 250 varieties of wine by the glass and amazing food.
Then we hopped across town to the Mean Fiddler in Hell's Kitchen, which was this rowdy bar, complete with girls with no rhythm whatsoever dancing on the bar. Talk about a change of pace! It was fun though. Got to have decadent wine and cheese by candlelight and then belly dance to 80s music. Always good.
I've linked a fun article from the Times (A Guide to the French) above, but the first article I read today was about Darfur. What's going on there? we ask. There's no good way to answer that question, but if we have to ask it means we're not paying enough attention. Anyone who knows me at all knows that peace is a big issue for me. Which means I'm very concerned with how conflict is represented. Implications of futility are incredibly dangerous, I think.
I should probably admit, however, that while reading the article, which is only three pages long, I got up from my desk twice, looked something up on the internet, downloaded an album, and made a phone call. And then I read the article on living in Paris and wished I could go... I have a short attention span, yes, we all know this, and multitasking is more effective for me than trying to concentrate on one thing at a time (takes just as long as when I do ten things at once, I'm not kidding - sometimes longer), but I couldn't even read a single article on such a grave topic? For the record, I didn't read the French article all in one go either. Among other things, I looked up Sarkozy's response to a man who told him not to touch him, which is hilarious. ("Casse-toi," by the way, doesn't mean "get lost" so much as "piss off," which makes the whole phrase something like "piss off, poor bastard," or better yet "piss off, dumbass," but it's even funnier because Sarkozy's smiling the whole time, it's so lighthearted. Who tells the French president not to touch them in the middle of a crowd welcoming the president?)
Anyway, today I'm going to continue going through WHALITC for a bit, see where that gets me, maybe shift gears and go through the comments I and my adviser made on my draft, maybe read some more Derrida (Memoires for Paul de Man). I need to go do laundry and to go to the grocery store, but I can still sort of put both off until tomorrow, so we'll see what happens. Either way, I'm going to embrace my scatteredness because it's counterproductive not to.
But first I'm going to send some appropriately inappropriate ecards...
Around 10pm last night, I started to run out of steam. I had two choices: jump right back in, head first, and force myself back into the groove; or be satisfied with what I had accomplished and go socialize. A friend called. Decision made. So I went to meet my friend at Sushisamba on Park Ave between 19th and 20th Sts. I didn't eat there, just had a glass of Cote du Rhone, but the atmosphere was quite nice (despite the metalwork that makes the ceiling look even lower than it already is - I get claustrophobic, but hey, it's New York), really lovely reds and dark colors, and the bartender was very nice and I had a wonderful time. My friend had a cucumber martini concoction which was delicious. It would make a great summer afternoon drink. Then I taxied uptown to Le Bateau Ivre to meet another friend. Absolutely love that place. It's so French. I highly recommend the Beaumes de Venise, which is a Southern Rhone (of course - my favorite), but they have over 250 varieties of wine by the glass and amazing food.
Then we hopped across town to the Mean Fiddler in Hell's Kitchen, which was this rowdy bar, complete with girls with no rhythm whatsoever dancing on the bar. Talk about a change of pace! It was fun though. Got to have decadent wine and cheese by candlelight and then belly dance to 80s music. Always good.
I've linked a fun article from the Times (A Guide to the French) above, but the first article I read today was about Darfur. What's going on there? we ask. There's no good way to answer that question, but if we have to ask it means we're not paying enough attention. Anyone who knows me at all knows that peace is a big issue for me. Which means I'm very concerned with how conflict is represented. Implications of futility are incredibly dangerous, I think.
I should probably admit, however, that while reading the article, which is only three pages long, I got up from my desk twice, looked something up on the internet, downloaded an album, and made a phone call. And then I read the article on living in Paris and wished I could go... I have a short attention span, yes, we all know this, and multitasking is more effective for me than trying to concentrate on one thing at a time (takes just as long as when I do ten things at once, I'm not kidding - sometimes longer), but I couldn't even read a single article on such a grave topic? For the record, I didn't read the French article all in one go either. Among other things, I looked up Sarkozy's response to a man who told him not to touch him, which is hilarious. ("Casse-toi," by the way, doesn't mean "get lost" so much as "piss off," which makes the whole phrase something like "piss off, poor bastard," or better yet "piss off, dumbass," but it's even funnier because Sarkozy's smiling the whole time, it's so lighthearted. Who tells the French president not to touch them in the middle of a crowd welcoming the president?)
Anyway, today I'm going to continue going through WHALITC for a bit, see where that gets me, maybe shift gears and go through the comments I and my adviser made on my draft, maybe read some more Derrida (Memoires for Paul de Man). I need to go do laundry and to go to the grocery store, but I can still sort of put both off until tomorrow, so we'll see what happens. Either way, I'm going to embrace my scatteredness because it's counterproductive not to.
But first I'm going to send some appropriately inappropriate ecards...
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Have you seen this?
It's awesome. Thank you to my glorious roommate for introducing me to the Asylum Street Spankers, which is how I found this video. Fucking phenomenal.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
I didn't feel like
blogging yesterday, I suppose. I don't really feel like it today either, but I will. Today is a writing day.
I forgot to mention that my thesis is totally more about writing and memory than I had realized. And it will only be even more so by the end of it.
After going through Castle twice - once for always and once for never - I finally realized that it would be much more efficient to track all the terms I wanted to trace at once with a spreadsheet, so that's what I did yesterday. It was still as tedious as it sounds, but it means that I've read the novel like four times in the last three days. And of course, I'm about sick of it, but I've also noticed some interesting trends that I want to talk about in my paper. I need to go back over the book for the occurrences of "might," though. And then I need to analyze the data. The sheer number of "would"s is as I expected. The other advantage of the spreadsheet is that I was able to track the words by page number, chapter, and total all at once.
I need a snack. I really need to go to the grocery store, and I definitely want to get out of my apartment (as always - I'm antsy), but it's chilly and I don't want to take my laptop into the city. Really I just want to run away to Mexico. Can I? Can I do that? Wouldn't that be nice? If you walkaway, I walkaway...
If I work for the next few hours, I can reward myself. That's vague. Mm, I have an easter basket full of chocolate from my sister sitting on my desk. A little sugar to start off the evening sounds fabulous.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
It's supposed to be
73 degrees in NC on Saturday, and we're supposed to have snow showers in NYC. Should I point out that it's officially spring as of 5:48am this morning? No. Best not to make it worse. I'm so ready for it to be warm! (I shout.) And, yes, I know that in a few months I will probably be complaining of the heat, or allergies, or bugs, or something, but right now I just want to be able to sit in the sun.
So, my sister is the coolest thing ever! She sent me an Easter basket loaded with chocolate, which is exactly what I need for getting through the next few weeks of rereading and rewriting. She also included this little motorized bunny that scared the bejesus out of my cat, which has already made it worth its weight in gold.
Also, for whatever reason, I decided to listen to Stone Temple Pilots while walking (meandering aimlessly) from the library to the subway last night, and when I got home I plugged their name into Last.fm and have been listening to great music ever since. It's making me all nostalgic and not at the same time. By that I mean, I know all these songs and haven't listened to them in forever (Mother Love Bone, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Temple of the Dog, Mudhoney, Alice in Chains, etc.), and they're making me miss my best friend and remember in a vague way us hanging out in high school, but they're not making me long for something I've lost. I've gained too much. I have too much to gain. This show is on the road. Moving on.
I tracked the repetition of "always" in Castle last night, which took forever, and I found something very interesting. I decided to keep track by chapter, and I'm glad I did, because it turns out that there is a definite curve to the trend. There are a total of 104 occurrences of "always" including the title, but a third of them (30) are in the first chapter and there are almost as many (24) in the second. (There are 10 chapters.) The word disappears in chapter 7 and only appears once in chapter 8, the pair of which constitute the day of the fire. This is where everything changes. Nothing is as it was. Merricat's narration does not portray a positive continuity here (when Charles is there), though the word begins to appear, as if tentatively, in the last two chapters. I'm very interested to track the use of "never" now, and I think I will do the same for "sometimes" because a big part of my argument is that the illusion of continuity is undermined precisely at the same time that it is constructed. Hence, making sense and nonsense at the same time. Hm...
So, my sister is the coolest thing ever! She sent me an Easter basket loaded with chocolate, which is exactly what I need for getting through the next few weeks of rereading and rewriting. She also included this little motorized bunny that scared the bejesus out of my cat, which has already made it worth its weight in gold.
Also, for whatever reason, I decided to listen to Stone Temple Pilots while walking (meandering aimlessly) from the library to the subway last night, and when I got home I plugged their name into Last.fm and have been listening to great music ever since. It's making me all nostalgic and not at the same time. By that I mean, I know all these songs and haven't listened to them in forever (Mother Love Bone, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Temple of the Dog, Mudhoney, Alice in Chains, etc.), and they're making me miss my best friend and remember in a vague way us hanging out in high school, but they're not making me long for something I've lost. I've gained too much. I have too much to gain. This show is on the road. Moving on.
I tracked the repetition of "always" in Castle last night, which took forever, and I found something very interesting. I decided to keep track by chapter, and I'm glad I did, because it turns out that there is a definite curve to the trend. There are a total of 104 occurrences of "always" including the title, but a third of them (30) are in the first chapter and there are almost as many (24) in the second. (There are 10 chapters.) The word disappears in chapter 7 and only appears once in chapter 8, the pair of which constitute the day of the fire. This is where everything changes. Nothing is as it was. Merricat's narration does not portray a positive continuity here (when Charles is there), though the word begins to appear, as if tentatively, in the last two chapters. I'm very interested to track the use of "never" now, and I think I will do the same for "sometimes" because a big part of my argument is that the illusion of continuity is undermined precisely at the same time that it is constructed. Hence, making sense and nonsense at the same time. Hm...
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I'm not sure why
I don't really feel like blogging today. I'm not in a bad mood or anything, or feeling especially lazy, I don't know what it is.
I met with my adviser this afternoon, and I think it went really well. I feel very confident that I can accomplish this and, although I have a lot (and I mean, a lot) more work to do, I have a pretty decent foundation to build from. Main points from that meeting:
1. I need to incorporate more theory and criticism.
This is not a surprise to me. Well, actually I wasn't expecting her to encourage as adamantly as she did that I bring in more critics to argue against (which is what I would be doing - I don't agree with most of what I've read). The theory I was fully prepared to have to incorporate more of.
2. My transitions need work and I need to clarify a lot of things.
Again, when I went through my draft last night, I wrote on every single page "clarify," "explore," "extend," "elaborate," "better transition," "clumsy," so I was also prepared for her to say this as well.
3. I need to describe more banally what is going on in the texts.
Another good thing about taking a week and a half away from my paper is that I was getting too close to it to be able to contextualize what the hell I was saying in a way that would be clear to a reader who was not myself. Go figure.
4. And the sections on Cat's Cradle and Castle need to be expanded, more thoroughly explored, and completely reorganized.
In Cat's Cradle I'm going to go into the use of Bokononism as purposefully lying to oneself, the logic behind knowingly being illogical (that's the plan, anyway), and in Castle I'm going to further explore the use of "always" and "never," and verb tense, and how Merricat's portrayal of continuity is undermined by her own description of events.
5. I also need to bring out the historical context more explicitly.
Discussing Alan Nadel's Containment Culture: American Narrative, Postmodernism, and the Atomic Age (which I only mention briefly) will surely help, but I will probably bring in a few more of the critics that I've read, if only in footnotes.
Good things: she really liked my intro, which I wasn't sure about. She seems to like my ideas and encouraged me to throw in all the stuff I wasn't sure about throwing in, which would illustrate all of the work that I've done. And I only have two and a half weeks to turn in the next draft, so I don't have time to goof off too much.
A few of my fellow thesis-writers and I are having an editing party on Sunday, so I want to have something ready for that, and then I want to have another version ready the following week to show my favorite study-buddy (you know who you are), and then I have a week to have something bright and shiny for my adviser on April 5.
Maybe it's the wet and cold that has me all - whatever the words are for this feeling (even though we know we can't completely put feelings into words). I want to get out of the house, but it's gross outside, so I should prepare myself for a night in, but I really want to go out. I'm not sure why.
I met with my adviser this afternoon, and I think it went really well. I feel very confident that I can accomplish this and, although I have a lot (and I mean, a lot) more work to do, I have a pretty decent foundation to build from. Main points from that meeting:
1. I need to incorporate more theory and criticism.
This is not a surprise to me. Well, actually I wasn't expecting her to encourage as adamantly as she did that I bring in more critics to argue against (which is what I would be doing - I don't agree with most of what I've read). The theory I was fully prepared to have to incorporate more of.
2. My transitions need work and I need to clarify a lot of things.
Again, when I went through my draft last night, I wrote on every single page "clarify," "explore," "extend," "elaborate," "better transition," "clumsy," so I was also prepared for her to say this as well.
3. I need to describe more banally what is going on in the texts.
Another good thing about taking a week and a half away from my paper is that I was getting too close to it to be able to contextualize what the hell I was saying in a way that would be clear to a reader who was not myself. Go figure.
4. And the sections on Cat's Cradle and Castle need to be expanded, more thoroughly explored, and completely reorganized.
In Cat's Cradle I'm going to go into the use of Bokononism as purposefully lying to oneself, the logic behind knowingly being illogical (that's the plan, anyway), and in Castle I'm going to further explore the use of "always" and "never," and verb tense, and how Merricat's portrayal of continuity is undermined by her own description of events.
5. I also need to bring out the historical context more explicitly.
Discussing Alan Nadel's Containment Culture: American Narrative, Postmodernism, and the Atomic Age (which I only mention briefly) will surely help, but I will probably bring in a few more of the critics that I've read, if only in footnotes.
Good things: she really liked my intro, which I wasn't sure about. She seems to like my ideas and encouraged me to throw in all the stuff I wasn't sure about throwing in, which would illustrate all of the work that I've done. And I only have two and a half weeks to turn in the next draft, so I don't have time to goof off too much.
A few of my fellow thesis-writers and I are having an editing party on Sunday, so I want to have something ready for that, and then I want to have another version ready the following week to show my favorite study-buddy (you know who you are), and then I have a week to have something bright and shiny for my adviser on April 5.
Maybe it's the wet and cold that has me all - whatever the words are for this feeling (even though we know we can't completely put feelings into words). I want to get out of the house, but it's gross outside, so I should prepare myself for a night in, but I really want to go out. I'm not sure why.
I've been trying
to make sense of my draft and notes because I have a meeting with my adviser tomorrow, and I should really be in bed already, but I just had a breakthrough and have realized how freakin' glad I am that I took the last week off from looking at it or the novels or criticism related to the novels or anything really, because I obviously needed it. I've been sitting here at my desk for like six hours and some change, and I've been multitasking of course (of course, of course), and I really need to go to bed, but I've made so many notes and I really feel like I'm so much closer than I thought I was. It's not all nonsense. I think it really shows that I've been trying.
(How's them apples?)
(How's them apples?)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I found the quote
I was looking for last night before the party got under way. B is reading Cat's Cradle and read the line about writing being a miracle drug, and I recalled a line from Pale Fire that is also very writerly, but I couldn't find it. (Incidentally, I thought it was on the left hand side and at the end of a note, but it's in the middle of one and on the right!) Anyway:
"I trust the reader appreciates the strangeness of this, because if he does not, there is no sense in writing poems, or notes to poems, or anything at all" (207).
I also booked a flight to Scotland yesterday. !! How cool is that? I'm very excited.
Today I'm going to go print out a copy of my thesis draft to take with me tomorrow, when I'm meeting with my adviser (eek!). I will spend the evening making notes to myself on that.
It's so scary, all this. Writing is never easy, not even when you're writing for yourself, in your journal or wherever, not even when it's quote/unquote meaningless. Does that mean that we stop putting so much effort into _every_single_word_? Hell no.
I just realized that by beginning each entry in the title line I might possibly be challenging the whole 'the title isn't part of the text, it names the text' thing. But if we delve into this further, go up another level, we see that "making (non)sense" is the title above all entries within the blog, so there is still a title that is not part of the text. Perhaps I should challenge this with my next entry (to be continued...). If we want to really flip things around, though, I could repeat the title (for lack of another word) at the end of the entry. But that goes against the order of reading in terms of titles - we read from the beginning to the end, not the other way around. (Except for all you sneakies who read the last page of a novel first, which is just weird.) And by bookending the text in such a way, are we merely serving to perpetuate the illusion of the text as an enclosed space? Hm...
So I cooked for the party last night. To be more accurate, I should say I 'baked' and 'prepared food.' Some friends of mine are vegan, so I set myself the challenge of giving them some options, especially because I thought my roommate was going to prepare corned beef and cabbage or some such meaty monstrosity (which I'm sure would have been lovely, and I definitely would have tried it at the very least), and I think at our housewarming party the only vegan options were chips and salsa. No, I made guac too. (My roommate made stuffed mushrooms and gingerbread cupcakes - both with creamcheese among other things - and sausage/cheese muffin things.) Anyway, hooray for the internet. I made Hummus, Artichoke and Red Pepper Dip, Moroccan Carrot Hummus (which was quite interesting; a little spicier than I expected, but very good), and Irish Beer Bread (which was a huge hit). I added about a tablespoon and a half or so of olive oil to the hummus because it tasted a little too lemony to me. I also had about a cup of leftover chickpeas, so I mashed them up with a little roasted red pepper and some olive oil, a little sea salt, and ate that for my snack-while-cooking. Everything was really easy to make. Not at all Irish, of course, but tasty. We have a ton of leftovers. More for me!
Off to the computer lab with free printing. Do I make my thesis more about the act of writing? I've been thinking about that from the beginning, and now that I'm reading Of Grammatology, but I've been thinking about it even more since I found the quote.
"I trust the reader appreciates the strangeness of this, because if he does not, there is no sense in writing poems, or notes to poems, or anything at all" (207).
I also booked a flight to Scotland yesterday. !! How cool is that? I'm very excited.
Today I'm going to go print out a copy of my thesis draft to take with me tomorrow, when I'm meeting with my adviser (eek!). I will spend the evening making notes to myself on that.
It's so scary, all this. Writing is never easy, not even when you're writing for yourself, in your journal or wherever, not even when it's quote/unquote meaningless. Does that mean that we stop putting so much effort into _every_single_word_? Hell no.
I just realized that by beginning each entry in the title line I might possibly be challenging the whole 'the title isn't part of the text, it names the text' thing. But if we delve into this further, go up another level, we see that "making (non)sense" is the title above all entries within the blog, so there is still a title that is not part of the text. Perhaps I should challenge this with my next entry (to be continued...). If we want to really flip things around, though, I could repeat the title (for lack of another word) at the end of the entry. But that goes against the order of reading in terms of titles - we read from the beginning to the end, not the other way around. (Except for all you sneakies who read the last page of a novel first, which is just weird.) And by bookending the text in such a way, are we merely serving to perpetuate the illusion of the text as an enclosed space? Hm...
So I cooked for the party last night. To be more accurate, I should say I 'baked' and 'prepared food.' Some friends of mine are vegan, so I set myself the challenge of giving them some options, especially because I thought my roommate was going to prepare corned beef and cabbage or some such meaty monstrosity (which I'm sure would have been lovely, and I definitely would have tried it at the very least), and I think at our housewarming party the only vegan options were chips and salsa. No, I made guac too. (My roommate made stuffed mushrooms and gingerbread cupcakes - both with creamcheese among other things - and sausage/cheese muffin things.) Anyway, hooray for the internet. I made Hummus, Artichoke and Red Pepper Dip, Moroccan Carrot Hummus (which was quite interesting; a little spicier than I expected, but very good), and Irish Beer Bread (which was a huge hit). I added about a tablespoon and a half or so of olive oil to the hummus because it tasted a little too lemony to me. I also had about a cup of leftover chickpeas, so I mashed them up with a little roasted red pepper and some olive oil, a little sea salt, and ate that for my snack-while-cooking. Everything was really easy to make. Not at all Irish, of course, but tasty. We have a ton of leftovers. More for me!
Off to the computer lab with free printing. Do I make my thesis more about the act of writing? I've been thinking about that from the beginning, and now that I'm reading Of Grammatology, but I've been thinking about it even more since I found the quote.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I will not be
blogging today (if that's not making nonsense, I don't know what is) because we are having a St Patty's Day party this evening and I need to clean the apartment. No one will do it for me. Where are the elves when you need them? ...Apparently, however, I can keep the brownies away with good housekeeping. Unless I like getting pinched in my sleep. Hm, no, I can't imagine that would be pleasant. My cat sometimes extends a claw too far against/into my skin, and I don't care for that while I'm dreaming of -- not telling. What is it with us Celts and pinching? Remember to wear green! Unless you like getting pinched. There's a someecard for that! I love it. Happy St Pat's, everyone.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
A word about this article in the NY Times
The title, first of all: Dalai Lama Won't Stop Tibet Protests. Keeping in mind, of course, that the title is not part of the text, it names the text, how do we read this? As the Dalai Lama himself points out, he doesn't have the power to stop the protests. "Asked if he could stop Tibetan protesters from flouting Beijing’s deadline to surrender by midnight on Monday, the Dalai Lama, 72, replied swiftly: “I have no such power.”" There is a vast difference between "could" and "won't." Granted, he does say that he won't ask them to stop, there is, again, a vast difference between asking and stopping.
There's another article here about the protests, and while it definitely sounds as though violence is coming from both sides, who started it (as if that is the issue) is not clear. It sounds like the government is the side with the guns...
The article seems to be a little judgmental about the Dalai Lama's advocacy for Tibetan freedom within China, as opposed to Tibetan independence from China. A block quote:
So. What to do? There are certainly economic advantages to being part of China (access to education and healthcare, one hopes), but do they outweigh the disadvantages of violent suppression?
The Dalai Lama goes on to say that "some kind of cultural genocide is taking place," which is so sad. I've heard a lot in recent years about loss of diversity as a result of globalization, a leveling out because everyone has access to the same cheaply produced things and all that, but while those sorts of issues adversely affect poorer regions because they can't (don't, won't, whatever) compete in global markets (and why should they have to?), this kind of cultural loss has to do with governmental policy of outlawing what it labels as "dissent," whatever it deems that may be. What happens when a government declares war, essentially, on a word? It means they can define that word however they want to, meaning they can fight against whatever they attach that word to, indefinitely.
It always comes back to this, doesn't it? How do we elect officials who do this to their own people? Oh, that's right, we didn't... Except we did. We live in the world we live in. Let's do something about it.
Go read this article immediately: George Speaks, Badly. Thank you, Gail, I needed that. What we have here is what I like to call Aw, Shucks Diplomacy. The man went to Yale and Harvard and can't form a coherent sentence. Scary. Not nearly as scary as knowing some people don't regret their voting for him and obviously don't understand that you can't run a country like this. Well. Evidently you *can* but everyone rolls their eyes at you. And then stops listening. And then you can say or do whatever you... Yikes. YIKES.
There's another article here about the protests, and while it definitely sounds as though violence is coming from both sides, who started it (as if that is the issue) is not clear. It sounds like the government is the side with the guns...
The article seems to be a little judgmental about the Dalai Lama's advocacy for Tibetan freedom within China, as opposed to Tibetan independence from China. A block quote:
"The Dalai Lama, for his part, seemed unfazed about the dissent among Tibetans over full independence versus greater autonomy. Even his elder brother, he recalled, had admonished him many years ago for not advocating independence from China. “ ‘My dear younger brother, the Dalai Lama,’ ” his brother told him. “ ‘You sold out the Tibetan legitimate right. Like that.’ ”
The Dalai Lama described dissent as “a healthy sign of our commitment to democracy, open society.”"
While this passage can be read as an unbiased description, it uses language that casts doubts on the Dalai Lama's position. He "seemed unfazed" begs the question: 'why is he unfazed? should he be fazed? shouldn't he be fazed?' The repetition of "dissent," the probable explanation for his being "unfazed," is separated by a paragraph break, as well as his admission that "even" his brother had "admonished" (cautioned, advised, scolded) him about that position.So. What to do? There are certainly economic advantages to being part of China (access to education and healthcare, one hopes), but do they outweigh the disadvantages of violent suppression?
The Dalai Lama goes on to say that "some kind of cultural genocide is taking place," which is so sad. I've heard a lot in recent years about loss of diversity as a result of globalization, a leveling out because everyone has access to the same cheaply produced things and all that, but while those sorts of issues adversely affect poorer regions because they can't (don't, won't, whatever) compete in global markets (and why should they have to?), this kind of cultural loss has to do with governmental policy of outlawing what it labels as "dissent," whatever it deems that may be. What happens when a government declares war, essentially, on a word? It means they can define that word however they want to, meaning they can fight against whatever they attach that word to, indefinitely.
It always comes back to this, doesn't it? How do we elect officials who do this to their own people? Oh, that's right, we didn't... Except we did. We live in the world we live in. Let's do something about it.
Go read this article immediately: George Speaks, Badly. Thank you, Gail, I needed that. What we have here is what I like to call Aw, Shucks Diplomacy. The man went to Yale and Harvard and can't form a coherent sentence. Scary. Not nearly as scary as knowing some people don't regret their voting for him and obviously don't understand that you can't run a country like this. Well. Evidently you *can* but everyone rolls their eyes at you. And then stops listening. And then you can say or do whatever you... Yikes. YIKES.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I had no idea
that Dick Cavett has a blog on NYTimes.com. His installment from yesterday is hilarious, witty, insightful. Intelligent and just plain likable. And it led me to this story about how little American high school students know these days, which in turn led me to the Common Core website, which is interesting, and where I found a little quote from Obama, which led me to this website and this video. I'm inspired.
Which is good because, although it was definitely motivating, I was looking at Columbia's English and Comp Lit websites, and feeling a little discouraged, I must admit. But you know what? Just because something is a lot of work doesn't mean I can't do it. That is what I have to remind myself, constantly, every day. Perhaps I will elaborate at some point, but not right now. Later.
Coffee. Spivak. Derrida. Go.
Which is good because, although it was definitely motivating, I was looking at Columbia's English and Comp Lit websites, and feeling a little discouraged, I must admit. But you know what? Just because something is a lot of work doesn't mean I can't do it. That is what I have to remind myself, constantly, every day. Perhaps I will elaborate at some point, but not right now. Later.
Coffee. Spivak. Derrida. Go.
Days of Rage
was completely awesome last night. Resistance-minded hardcore punkrock. Amazing. Check out their MySpace page here. They're playing at Trash Bar in Brooklyn on April 10 at midnight (open bar 8-9 with $6 admission, according to the website, sweet), and their new album is coming out next month too. Cannot wait!
I sort of wasted today, but not really. I slept in after last night's festivities, of course. Oh! and congrats to my friend, who found out yesterday he got into Columbia! Hopefully I will be in his position in a year. Different department, but whatever. Anyway, today. I went to the post office to pick up a parcel (let's not get into it, it's a hellishly long story), then made lunch and watched Lost (as my roommate put it, 'they cheated'). I did a bunch of cleaning. But that's really about it. I should have made coffee straightaway, yes, I know this now. It's a bit late to do so now, though. I feel like I've sort of frittered away this week. Maybe I needed it, maybe I didn't.
We're having a St Patty's Day party, I'm so excited! Last year was awesome: I went to the parade (it had snowed and was bitterly cold), then to brunch, caught the tail-end of the tour at the Brooklyn Brewery, and then a bunch of us went and bought beer and snacks and spent like 10 hours on my friend's bed, chain-smoking and laughing. It was still winter. This year, it feels like it's almost spring. It is spring in other parts of the country, from what I hear. Lucky bastards. But, back to my point, since I did a bunch of cleaning tonight, I won't have to do it all Monday afternoon, which is when we'll be cooking and making sure we have enough whiskey. Maybe I should buy it tomorrow, wouldn't want the shelves to be empty. And I have to run to Kmart (I wish Target wasn't so freakin' far away). Which gives me mandatory subway reading time. Bar crawl tomorrow night in Williamsburg in honor of my friend's birthday, fabulous.
That's all I can manage tonight.
I sort of wasted today, but not really. I slept in after last night's festivities, of course. Oh! and congrats to my friend, who found out yesterday he got into Columbia! Hopefully I will be in his position in a year. Different department, but whatever. Anyway, today. I went to the post office to pick up a parcel (let's not get into it, it's a hellishly long story), then made lunch and watched Lost (as my roommate put it, 'they cheated'). I did a bunch of cleaning. But that's really about it. I should have made coffee straightaway, yes, I know this now. It's a bit late to do so now, though. I feel like I've sort of frittered away this week. Maybe I needed it, maybe I didn't.
We're having a St Patty's Day party, I'm so excited! Last year was awesome: I went to the parade (it had snowed and was bitterly cold), then to brunch, caught the tail-end of the tour at the Brooklyn Brewery, and then a bunch of us went and bought beer and snacks and spent like 10 hours on my friend's bed, chain-smoking and laughing. It was still winter. This year, it feels like it's almost spring. It is spring in other parts of the country, from what I hear. Lucky bastards. But, back to my point, since I did a bunch of cleaning tonight, I won't have to do it all Monday afternoon, which is when we'll be cooking and making sure we have enough whiskey. Maybe I should buy it tomorrow, wouldn't want the shelves to be empty. And I have to run to Kmart (I wish Target wasn't so freakin' far away). Which gives me mandatory subway reading time. Bar crawl tomorrow night in Williamsburg in honor of my friend's birthday, fabulous.
That's all I can manage tonight.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
This is going to be brief
because I have to get reading. You know when you start a project and think, maybe I should read that really important theorist's major texts. M-hm. Yeah. Because of course, I found the one I should have read months ago. I'm glad I did a lot of background reading about what critics were saying about literature and culture in the time period I'm looking at, and I have read a bunch of theory in the past, but I knew damn well the theory was where I needed to be and I kept pushing it off anyway. And I don't know why because I love it. I'm reading Gayatri Spivak's Translater's Preface to Of Grammatology at the moment, and it's completely amazing and exactly where I need to be. It's where I should have begun.
Thanks to my friend for posting this as a bulletin on MySpace: The $3 Trillion War in Iraq. I just don't get it. On what level does this war make sense to anyone who isn't getting rich off of it? My only beef with the article: what's the difference between "deaths" and "violent deaths" in the context of war? (There's no answer to that question.)
And on the homefront. Apparently an addiction to someecards.com ("when you care enough to hit send," I love it!) and forwarding funny pictures to one's friends/coworkers and friends/family, etc., can get one fired. "One" is misleading; at least three of them just got canned. Who knew? One more reason not to get involved in Corporate America. As if we needed that.
Live punk tonight. Awesome.
Thanks to my friend for posting this as a bulletin on MySpace: The $3 Trillion War in Iraq. I just don't get it. On what level does this war make sense to anyone who isn't getting rich off of it? My only beef with the article: what's the difference between "deaths" and "violent deaths" in the context of war? (There's no answer to that question.)
And on the homefront. Apparently an addiction to someecards.com ("when you care enough to hit send," I love it!) and forwarding funny pictures to one's friends/coworkers and friends/family, etc., can get one fired. "One" is misleading; at least three of them just got canned. Who knew? One more reason not to get involved in Corporate America. As if we needed that.
Live punk tonight. Awesome.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
What a beautiful
day! I've gotten up early (for me) (actually to be honest, I didn't sleep very well and was up at 4, 6, and 8, but whatevs), I've had a fantastic breakfast, and now I'm going to hop in the shower and head into the city. I'm just going to the library or the grad student lounge, but it was really nice getting away from my desk and apartment the last two evenings, and I need to get a substantial amount of reading done, so I think the best way to do that is succumb to my need for switching up locales and get out there.
But first: a look at the headlines. I love the New York Times, I do, but headlines like this beg being blogged about. Sex Infections Found in Quarter of Teenage Girls. First of all, I find it odd that this story is in the Science section and not the Health section, but whatever. The point is that - although I am certainly not disputing the findings and I applaud Cecile Richards's comment that “The national policy of promoting abstinence-only programs is a $1.5 billion failure,” especially since she is the president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America - it is only women that are being held accountable. The word "men" is only used once in the entire article.
"Health officials recommend treatment for all sex partners of individuals diagnosed with curable sexually transmitted diseases. One promising approach to reach that goal is for doctors who treat infected women to provide or prescribe the same treatment for their partners, Dr. Douglas said. The goal is to encourage men who may not have a physician or who have no symptoms and may be reluctant to seek care to be treated without a doctor’s visit."
[Note the use of 'men' here. While the women are referred to as 'women' in the article itself, they are 'girls' in the headline, which names the text. The text about '(young) women' is about 'girls.']
Treatment: good. Making it really easy to continue to not go to a doctor: not so much. Let's not even get into the heteronormativity of the whole thing or the early emphasis (2nd paragraph) on the disparity between 'African-American' and 'white' girls, or the omission of economic class. Too bad healthcare is so ridiculously expensive - over 40 million American adults (!!) can't afford it (how many children?), according to a CDC report in December. Americans paid 15% of $2 trillion out of pocket in 2004 alone! That's $300,000,000,000 - three hundred billion dollars. In one year. That's insane to me. Let's not even talk about how much the unjust and inhumane war is costing this country or the one its being waged on. (Monetarily, the US is footing the bill, but 700,000 Iraqis have been killed [as many as 1 million according to the ORB] and 4 million displaced out of a population of about 27 million. Compare this to the 166k foreign troops [all but 10.5k American] and 531k Iraqi security forces [this includes 340k police].)
Absurdity.
What's really absurd is that I'm going to go take a hot shower and safely ride a pretty reliable train into the city and grab a cheap fancy coffee and go read literary theory in a library the size of a city block with 44 miles of books. And at the end of the day, I will curl up in my warm loft bed in Brooklyn, and if I can't sleep, it's not because of explosions outside my four walls or fear that more are coming. And I'm glad for that. But why are we paying to do that to so many other people? (And to turn the mood back around:) This is why we vote, this is why presidential terms are limited, this is why I'm going as far with my education as I possibly can and donating to charitable organizations like the Red Cross and Greenpeace and Heifers International, and this is why I'm writing, blogs or otherwise.
But first: a look at the headlines. I love the New York Times, I do, but headlines like this beg being blogged about. Sex Infections Found in Quarter of Teenage Girls. First of all, I find it odd that this story is in the Science section and not the Health section, but whatever. The point is that - although I am certainly not disputing the findings and I applaud Cecile Richards's comment that “The national policy of promoting abstinence-only programs is a $1.5 billion failure,” especially since she is the president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America - it is only women that are being held accountable. The word "men" is only used once in the entire article.
"Health officials recommend treatment for all sex partners of individuals diagnosed with curable sexually transmitted diseases. One promising approach to reach that goal is for doctors who treat infected women to provide or prescribe the same treatment for their partners, Dr. Douglas said. The goal is to encourage men who may not have a physician or who have no symptoms and may be reluctant to seek care to be treated without a doctor’s visit."
[Note the use of 'men' here. While the women are referred to as 'women' in the article itself, they are 'girls' in the headline, which names the text. The text about '(young) women' is about 'girls.']
Treatment: good. Making it really easy to continue to not go to a doctor: not so much. Let's not even get into the heteronormativity of the whole thing or the early emphasis (2nd paragraph) on the disparity between 'African-American' and 'white' girls, or the omission of economic class. Too bad healthcare is so ridiculously expensive - over 40 million American adults (!!) can't afford it (how many children?), according to a CDC report in December. Americans paid 15% of $2 trillion out of pocket in 2004 alone! That's $300,000,000,000 - three hundred billion dollars. In one year. That's insane to me. Let's not even talk about how much the unjust and inhumane war is costing this country or the one its being waged on. (Monetarily, the US is footing the bill, but 700,000 Iraqis have been killed [as many as 1 million according to the ORB] and 4 million displaced out of a population of about 27 million. Compare this to the 166k foreign troops [all but 10.5k American] and 531k Iraqi security forces [this includes 340k police].)
Absurdity.
What's really absurd is that I'm going to go take a hot shower and safely ride a pretty reliable train into the city and grab a cheap fancy coffee and go read literary theory in a library the size of a city block with 44 miles of books. And at the end of the day, I will curl up in my warm loft bed in Brooklyn, and if I can't sleep, it's not because of explosions outside my four walls or fear that more are coming. And I'm glad for that. But why are we paying to do that to so many other people? (And to turn the mood back around:) This is why we vote, this is why presidential terms are limited, this is why I'm going as far with my education as I possibly can and donating to charitable organizations like the Red Cross and Greenpeace and Heifers International, and this is why I'm writing, blogs or otherwise.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Another one for the check this out list
Andrew C. Revkin's DotEarth blog on NYTimes.com http://dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com/
Whenever I make plans
and then admit that they are only plans, it not only means I'm open to them being changed, but that most likely I want them to change. I did do yoga, shower, and go eat, but instead of making dinner I went into the city for sushi and walked around for a while. Definitely what I needed. And I even got a bit of reading done.
I did not get up and go to the post office, as I had sort of planned (see note above), but it's so far away! And the only way to get there is to walk, and I love walking, yes, but it's through kind of a sketchy area and the post office is always crowded, and not overly friendly, and I've neglected picking up this package because of working on my thesis, so I'm pretty sure it's been sent back by now, which kind of sucks, but what can ya do? I do have to send my deposit to the St Petersburg thing, the literary seminar people.
And laundry, I almost forgot. I don't mind going to the laundromat because it gives me an hour or so to read without being able to look anything and everything up on the internet, but our laundromat plays these really horrible movies rather loudly, and I don't like having my iPod up that loud when I'm inside, but it's better than listening to - what was on the last time I was in there? - Firehouse Dog. I had to look that up, I did *not* know the title. I also don't really know what happens other than the obvious. There's a dog, and a firehouse, and a kid with floppy hair, and there's a fire. Wow. It's better than daytime television though, let me tell you. My last neighborhood, there was invariably Oprah or Montel on at midnight, which was when we did laundry there. A few times Seinfeld, that was lovely.
I need coffee.
I did not get up and go to the post office, as I had sort of planned (see note above), but it's so far away! And the only way to get there is to walk, and I love walking, yes, but it's through kind of a sketchy area and the post office is always crowded, and not overly friendly, and I've neglected picking up this package because of working on my thesis, so I'm pretty sure it's been sent back by now, which kind of sucks, but what can ya do? I do have to send my deposit to the St Petersburg thing, the literary seminar people.
And laundry, I almost forgot. I don't mind going to the laundromat because it gives me an hour or so to read without being able to look anything and everything up on the internet, but our laundromat plays these really horrible movies rather loudly, and I don't like having my iPod up that loud when I'm inside, but it's better than listening to - what was on the last time I was in there? - Firehouse Dog. I had to look that up, I did *not* know the title. I also don't really know what happens other than the obvious. There's a dog, and a firehouse, and a kid with floppy hair, and there's a fire. Wow. It's better than daytime television though, let me tell you. My last neighborhood, there was invariably Oprah or Montel on at midnight, which was when we did laundry there. A few times Seinfeld, that was lovely.
I need coffee.
Monday, March 10, 2008
fun, fun, fun
It was so weird to take the weekend off. When I'm not procrastinating, I discovered, there's actually very little for me to do. (Btw - I'm procrastinating right now. It's been a busy day as far as that goes.) I get so much more done when I'm trying not to do anything. Or... something like that. Whatever, I had a good time doing nothing. I didn't go shopping yet. That might have to wait until after the final deadline. It will have started getting warm by that point (knock on wood), so there's very little sense in buying more winter clothes, right? *shrug* There's not much sense in buying anything, but that doesn't stop us, does it? I need to clean out my closet and drag all this stuff to the Salvation Army before I can justify getting new (to me) clothes. I haven't gone thrift shopping in so long though! It would be smarter to wait until I had an income, huh? Soon enough.
First things first. I hadn't really expected to hear from my adviser about whether or not she received my draft, but I was a little nervous about it. And then she emailed me today and said she was having trouble opening the document, which made me feel extremely guilty for not working all weekend long and turning something more fluid in, but let's be honest: I need to do a bunch more reading and focusing before it will be where it needs to be, and this is the perfect stage in its development to get feedback from the one who decides if it's good enough.
Weekend recap: Friday night I met some friends at Half Pint on W 3rd St. Service was decent, prices aren't bad. Clientele leaves something to be desired. I know, it was Friday: Amateur Night. But still. The line for the two unisex bathrooms was long and the crowd was unruly as a result. Someone cut in line in front of me - no kidding. That's just bad karma. Then the girl behind me kept whining, "I'm going to pee in my pants!" What are you, 5? This is your first time with liquids? It's right by NYU, what can ya do?
Saturday I met some friends at Peculier Pub on Bleecker - I'm not a fan of the service there, prices aren't bad, clientele is what you would expect. It was like a reunion - most of us haven't seen each other in a while, and one of our friends just arrived from a few months in Cali, so it was really great.
Then me and the guy (labels are tricky business) headed up to Taj in Flatiron. Great decor. Crowded, loud, expensive. It was a lot of fun. The music was weird though, like the dj had (or thought the crowd had) the shortest attention span ever. The songs themselves were great, very old-school hiphop. It was like being at a high school dance. But they only lasted 10-30 seconds each. I kept thinking the dj was mixing them or would go back and forth or something, but no. Just blended them into each other one after another, no looking back. It was disconcerting.
And then last night my friends had a party at their house, so I got to see my friends two nights in a row, which was fantastic! Yummy Cuban and Italian food, lots of beer, good music, and Dirty Dancing on in the background. What more could you want?
So tonight, as soon as I summon the energy, I'm going to do some yoga, shower, eat, and curl up with some literary theory. That's the plan anyway.
First things first. I hadn't really expected to hear from my adviser about whether or not she received my draft, but I was a little nervous about it. And then she emailed me today and said she was having trouble opening the document, which made me feel extremely guilty for not working all weekend long and turning something more fluid in, but let's be honest: I need to do a bunch more reading and focusing before it will be where it needs to be, and this is the perfect stage in its development to get feedback from the one who decides if it's good enough.
Weekend recap: Friday night I met some friends at Half Pint on W 3rd St. Service was decent, prices aren't bad. Clientele leaves something to be desired. I know, it was Friday: Amateur Night. But still. The line for the two unisex bathrooms was long and the crowd was unruly as a result. Someone cut in line in front of me - no kidding. That's just bad karma. Then the girl behind me kept whining, "I'm going to pee in my pants!" What are you, 5? This is your first time with liquids? It's right by NYU, what can ya do?
Saturday I met some friends at Peculier Pub on Bleecker - I'm not a fan of the service there, prices aren't bad, clientele is what you would expect. It was like a reunion - most of us haven't seen each other in a while, and one of our friends just arrived from a few months in Cali, so it was really great.
Then me and the guy (labels are tricky business) headed up to Taj in Flatiron. Great decor. Crowded, loud, expensive. It was a lot of fun. The music was weird though, like the dj had (or thought the crowd had) the shortest attention span ever. The songs themselves were great, very old-school hiphop. It was like being at a high school dance. But they only lasted 10-30 seconds each. I kept thinking the dj was mixing them or would go back and forth or something, but no. Just blended them into each other one after another, no looking back. It was disconcerting.
And then last night my friends had a party at their house, so I got to see my friends two nights in a row, which was fantastic! Yummy Cuban and Italian food, lots of beer, good music, and Dirty Dancing on in the background. What more could you want?
So tonight, as soon as I summon the energy, I'm going to do some yoga, shower, eat, and curl up with some literary theory. That's the plan anyway.
Friday, March 7, 2008
*send*
That's always so nerve-racking, the hitting of the send button. I was going to take her a hard copy, but then I realized that I didn't even know if she was going to be in the office and what's the point of giving it to her today if she doesn't get it until Monday when I could have it more complete by then? It's 38 pages, 10k words. Not bad for throwing it together mostly yesterday and today, huh? It's still extremely rough, and I'm by no means going to stop working until I meet with her, I have a lot of reading to do still. But, sadly or otherwise, that's the longest single document I've ever turned in, creative or otherwise. Weird.
Food. Errands. Then out with the guys. Tomorrow: shopping!
Food. Errands. Then out with the guys. Tomorrow: shopping!
13,500 words!
And I slept a few hours and watched Lost. Not too shabby, right? It's still very rough, mostly notes-and-quotes, but it's organized into sections and the first sixteen pages are (still) pretty good, so that's something. The thing is, I know I need to incorporate more theory (I need to read more theory), and I spent a considerable amount of time reading criticism instead, which I think was also important too, but it just goes to show that there are always more books.
I was up until 4:30 last night, and I was so tired, but I set my alarm for 8am, and I actually woke up the first time at like 6:30 and almost got up, but I knew I needed to sleep, so I stayed in bed, and when my alarm went off I hit the snooze button for like an hour and a half, and to be completely honest, I almost decided to just turn it in like it is - not even bother polishing more, just give up. And then I got a text message asking if I was finished and I said no but I have enough words and 44 pages, and I realized how much better I will feel if it is at least legible, so here I am.
And I have coffee.
I was up until 4:30 last night, and I was so tired, but I set my alarm for 8am, and I actually woke up the first time at like 6:30 and almost got up, but I knew I needed to sleep, so I stayed in bed, and when my alarm went off I hit the snooze button for like an hour and a half, and to be completely honest, I almost decided to just turn it in like it is - not even bother polishing more, just give up. And then I got a text message asking if I was finished and I said no but I have enough words and 44 pages, and I realized how much better I will feel if it is at least legible, so here I am.
And I have coffee.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
6900
Yes, somehow I have 300 fewer words than I did six hours ago, but I have 16 pages highly readable and another 8 getting there. Perhaps I should break and throw together more notes... I keep thinking that might be a good idea, and then I get into polishing the PF material again. It's not where I want it to be, of course, but it's where I need it to be for tomorrow.
I have a habit of, instead of working from where I left off, starting from the beginning again, so that I write a then b, then go back to a through b to c, then a b c d, then a b c d e, and so on, which means that the beginning, even if it doesn't say exactly what I want it to or lead logically to the end of the paper, reads pretty well, is remarkably more polished than the end, which has basically fallen apart (or, rather, not been put together) in comparison. I think I may have side-stepped that this time, however, but I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing differently. I have nine documents open and am cutting and pasting and editing and moving things all over the place, what have you. And I'm still building in one document and moving it to the one that says "draft" as I go, but somehow I'm a bit more organized this time. I think it has to do with Microsoft OneNote, which has been a lifesaver on this project, as I think I've mentioned before. I wish I would have known about it before two months ago. I love anything that lets me be scattered and organized at the same time.
I have a habit of, instead of working from where I left off, starting from the beginning again, so that I write a then b, then go back to a through b to c, then a b c d, then a b c d e, and so on, which means that the beginning, even if it doesn't say exactly what I want it to or lead logically to the end of the paper, reads pretty well, is remarkably more polished than the end, which has basically fallen apart (or, rather, not been put together) in comparison. I think I may have side-stepped that this time, however, but I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing differently. I have nine documents open and am cutting and pasting and editing and moving things all over the place, what have you. And I'm still building in one document and moving it to the one that says "draft" as I go, but somehow I'm a bit more organized this time. I think it has to do with Microsoft OneNote, which has been a lifesaver on this project, as I think I've mentioned before. I wish I would have known about it before two months ago. I love anything that lets me be scattered and organized at the same time.
7100
That's how many words I have right now, with 24 hours to go. That's over half, but that's only the intro and a rough sketch of what I want to write about in PF. I didn't even consult the post-it notes in the book itself. And I haven't gotten to the other two books. And I think I have a total of 2 Derrida quotes.
I'm so stressed I could throw up. I need to eat something. I'm afraid to take my fingers from the keys, though.
I took a little nap around noon, and - wait, I just put together 14 pages in an hour... - I had this dream that I was trying to make it look like I wasn't online because my adviser could see me and I had to come up with a brilliant excuse for not having my thesis done, but there was nothing I could do, she knew I was still connected. It was weird. And then when I woke myself up I was repeating 'I can do this,' over and over in my head, and then I thought, what if I can't do this? What if I'm not capable? That was a weird feeling.
And then I got up and threw 14 pages together in an hour. Because I can totally do this.
I'm so stressed I could throw up. I need to eat something. I'm afraid to take my fingers from the keys, though.
I took a little nap around noon, and - wait, I just put together 14 pages in an hour... - I had this dream that I was trying to make it look like I wasn't online because my adviser could see me and I had to come up with a brilliant excuse for not having my thesis done, but there was nothing I could do, she knew I was still connected. It was weird. And then when I woke myself up I was repeating 'I can do this,' over and over in my head, and then I thought, what if I can't do this? What if I'm not capable? That was a weird feeling.
And then I got up and threw 14 pages together in an hour. Because I can totally do this.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Idea!
I know what I can do with my blog after I'm done with my thesis! I can't believe I didn't think of this before, and I also can't believe that I'm goofing off when I have roughly forty-eight hours to go. I have to admit that I think the music I was listening to was contributing to my scatterbrainedness (five syllables), so I've put on some classical and it's time to get this taken care of. It was good music, and it was motivating in its own way, but really it just made me want to go dancing with my favorite dance partner (he knows who he is).
I also have a friend I haven't heard from since Feb 18 when she sent me a brief article about a fire at the university she attends. Is she okay? Well, she was able to send me the article, so I guess so. Repeated attempts to ascertain whether or not something has befallen her since then have gone unanswered. --And I'm reading (analyzing) characters who are borderline paranoia cases, so needless to say, I'm just worried. I know she's busy. ...And now I'm feeling guilty about a certain friend that I haven't been calling back. I'm angry with her. Which makes me wonder if my missing friend is angry with me (paranoia, I told you!). I don't think I've done anything wrong. And now I'm questioning myself, and I'm trying to write a brilliant essay, so that's bad.
Okay. Let's do this.
I also have a friend I haven't heard from since Feb 18 when she sent me a brief article about a fire at the university she attends. Is she okay? Well, she was able to send me the article, so I guess so. Repeated attempts to ascertain whether or not something has befallen her since then have gone unanswered. --And I'm reading (analyzing) characters who are borderline paranoia cases, so needless to say, I'm just worried. I know she's busy. ...And now I'm feeling guilty about a certain friend that I haven't been calling back. I'm angry with her. Which makes me wonder if my missing friend is angry with me (paranoia, I told you!). I don't think I've done anything wrong. And now I'm questioning myself, and I'm trying to write a brilliant essay, so that's bad.
Okay. Let's do this.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I wrote
on post-it notes. It's something. I was up until dawn again, though I don't feel like I accomplished much. I think I have my intro locked down, so today I'm going to arrange my notes in some semblance of a thesis and see where that gets me. Three hours, high-impact. Go.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Four days
for real this time. I have PF and CC post-ited, PF noted to such a ridiculous extent that I could write a book about it at a later date, and I know what I want to write about in Castle, so I'm going to mark those pages very quickly, I think. I also need to read a bit more Derrida this afternoon, while I'm eating lunch or something, no, maybe just after, I'll go sit in the living room, out of this uncomfortable wooden chair, take my notebook, actually write sentences and paragraphs with a pen on paper. Wow, I miss that.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Why does life
have to be so crazy sometimes? ...If it wasn't I'd be bored, yes, I know this, that's what I always tell my friends, and it might ease things if we talk things out, but it's so hard. But we sort of did, didn't we? Sort of.
I'm having a hard time getting through PF with the post-iting because the text is just so goddamn rich. I really think I could have written my whole thesis on it, but, as I've said before, I do think it will be better in the long run that I'm not.
I'm glad I've gotten this extension because I'm finally getting to the point where I know what I'm going to focus on (I'm ridiculous, I know this, and I also know that I would probably gotten to this point earlier if I had been working harder this whole time, yes). I'm going to discuss two cataclysmic events and how they are figured in each of the three novels. That's still pretty broad. Each of the events is portrayed in writing, that's important, essential in fact, because my point has to do with how they are recorded, how they are re-presented. In PF I'm going to focus on Shade's portrayal of his daughter's death (most likely suicide) and Kinbote's portrayal of Shade's murder (the latter is where I'm getting caught up because there are many angles I can take with this one, but I'll get to that in a second). In CC I'm going to mention the book Jonah is working on in the beginning of the novel but spend the majority of the section talking about the book he ends up writing, which is (as he portrays it) a direct result of the first. In WHALITC (which is not what I will be calling it in my thesis, don't worry), I will discuss Uncle Julian's work on a book about the day of the family murders, and then Merricat's narrative about the fire and all that.
In all three novels, the first event I've just mentioned is part of the larger narrative that constitutes the second event. If I was in the superimposing causality business I might say that the first event causes the second, but really it is the narrator of each novel that represents it that way.
The thing with PF and how Shade's murder is that it's almost a dead horse well beaten type of thing. Critics are pretty much in consensus that there is sufficient textual evidence that Kinbote has 'invented' the Gradus narrative (whether he 'invented' the Zembla/King Charles narrative or not, which is slightly more debatable), so perhaps what I should focus on is where these two chains of events coincide. For instance, and I can't find it now, but I feel like there was a section that juxtaposed Gradus's journey with the King's escape the year before. Perhaps they were in adjacent notes. I'll find it later. My point here is that I'm not concerned with the metaphysics of the novel, with how death is treated as a subject, though this is obviously linked to how the specific deaths are represented, or with whether or not what is presented as fact is factual - though what is explicitly contradicted by Kinbote is certainly important. This is the one I'm bogged down in.
Which means I need to devote more energy to the other two, and fast, because we're really close to the deadline now. I also have to finish reading the Derrida I want to include.
And I need to go to the grocery store, but it's cold outside. And it's cold inside, so I'm uncomfortable, and I am a grown woman and should stop whining and do something about it, huh? Let's do this.
I'm having a hard time getting through PF with the post-iting because the text is just so goddamn rich. I really think I could have written my whole thesis on it, but, as I've said before, I do think it will be better in the long run that I'm not.
I'm glad I've gotten this extension because I'm finally getting to the point where I know what I'm going to focus on (I'm ridiculous, I know this, and I also know that I would probably gotten to this point earlier if I had been working harder this whole time, yes). I'm going to discuss two cataclysmic events and how they are figured in each of the three novels. That's still pretty broad. Each of the events is portrayed in writing, that's important, essential in fact, because my point has to do with how they are recorded, how they are re-presented. In PF I'm going to focus on Shade's portrayal of his daughter's death (most likely suicide) and Kinbote's portrayal of Shade's murder (the latter is where I'm getting caught up because there are many angles I can take with this one, but I'll get to that in a second). In CC I'm going to mention the book Jonah is working on in the beginning of the novel but spend the majority of the section talking about the book he ends up writing, which is (as he portrays it) a direct result of the first. In WHALITC (which is not what I will be calling it in my thesis, don't worry), I will discuss Uncle Julian's work on a book about the day of the family murders, and then Merricat's narrative about the fire and all that.
In all three novels, the first event I've just mentioned is part of the larger narrative that constitutes the second event. If I was in the superimposing causality business I might say that the first event causes the second, but really it is the narrator of each novel that represents it that way.
The thing with PF and how Shade's murder is that it's almost a dead horse well beaten type of thing. Critics are pretty much in consensus that there is sufficient textual evidence that Kinbote has 'invented' the Gradus narrative (whether he 'invented' the Zembla/King Charles narrative or not, which is slightly more debatable), so perhaps what I should focus on is where these two chains of events coincide. For instance, and I can't find it now, but I feel like there was a section that juxtaposed Gradus's journey with the King's escape the year before. Perhaps they were in adjacent notes. I'll find it later. My point here is that I'm not concerned with the metaphysics of the novel, with how death is treated as a subject, though this is obviously linked to how the specific deaths are represented, or with whether or not what is presented as fact is factual - though what is explicitly contradicted by Kinbote is certainly important. This is the one I'm bogged down in.
Which means I need to devote more energy to the other two, and fast, because we're really close to the deadline now. I also have to finish reading the Derrida I want to include.
And I need to go to the grocery store, but it's cold outside. And it's cold inside, so I'm uncomfortable, and I am a grown woman and should stop whining and do something about it, huh? Let's do this.
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