For reminding me why I did it and why I shouldn't regret it for a second.
(I don't 99.99% of the time, but there are those three minutes a month when I'm hitting submit on student loans that are the same as my rent.)
I'm not even going to read the New York Times debate. It shouldn't be about the money, but the decision to go to grad school and some of the feelings after having gone are consumed by the money issue, and that really sucks, but it's the reality of living in this situation. But what is just as if not infinitely more important is that further education and the increased ability to think critically and write effective arguments and integrate research and analysis in a meaningful way that has nothing to do with memorization for a test is the only thing that leads to real change, as much as we try to convince ourselves that the Conversation, in an academic sense, has nothing to do with some sort of Real World that really has nothing to do with some sort of intelligentsia who are just engrossed in philosophical mental masturbation. No, no, no!
The conversation matters.
To repeat the example of headscarves in Parisian schools: there is an argument that the headscarves defy the separation of church and state in public schools, but there are so many other sides to this debate. It has to do with the fact that the headscarves are being worn by women, by Muslims, by Muslim women, by a religious minority, by the women of a religious minority, by the women of a religious minority in a Western European state that sees itself as highly enlightened in feminist matters because of a long tradition of feminisms and feminists, etc. And a master's degree produces the kinds of scholars who are trained to sort out all of these interconnections in a way that doesn't reduce an issue to a conclusion where only one voice - especially if that voice is purporting to be representative of some kind of majority and claiming authority based on that - is heard above all others.
So maybe a debate can be about "freedom of choice," but it also needs to be about what "freedom of choice" means, and because of my master's degree I can never take catchphrases like "freedom of choice" at face value because "freedom of choice" never has a set meaning.
Because nothing has a set meaning.
Such is the nature of language, and my knowing that and being able to analyze a text, an argument, a work of art, an idle conversation across the bar, etc., is more meaningful to me, more important to me, more valuable to me, than a business degree, which would probably make me a lot more money, and it's fine if that's what another person's choice for their life is, but it wouldn't work for me. So my really expensive humanities degree is exactly what I want to have accomplished, which means I am exactly where I want to be, and being reminded of that in such an unexpected way (how could I have known that I would read this article today?) is very fulfilling.
And now I'm going to enjoy some of this sunshine.
Did I mention I'm also reading Nietzsche this week? What's on your summer reading list?
Monday, July 13, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Turning 30
I took a deep breath just before I started typing. Took it. I inhaled almost greedily and exhaled just as purposefully. It's a great feeling.
Birthdays, holidays, new years. They all make all of us take a moment to look at our lives, to measure ourselves against something, but not always in a real way, in a way beyond noticing that on certain days of the year we feel the need to take stock of ourselves. But what does this really mean? What are we measuring ourselves against?
It has always seemed to me that some people - maybe most people - have a sort of built-in checklist, imposed by society or not, that allows them to determine how successful they are. Common entries include but are not limited to: go to college, get married, buy a house, have babies, make shitloads of money, etc. And because I viewed these things as items on a checklist I was supposed to be using to keep track of my life, I think I've been trying to follow my own path, but the horrific checklist has always been in view, so maybe I've been just as bound by it as I was afraid to be, just in a different way than if I had been trying to check things off of a list...
On the other hand, even as I have avoided having a checklist, there are things that I have and haven't done that make me feel more or less successful - if I can still use that word - than I have wanted or expected to be. Perhaps one day I will be able to articulate these things without making them sound like items on a list.
(For example: I have a lot of really great friends, I have a good relationship with my parents and sisters, I have a beautiful nephew I never get to see, I have a master's degree, I am becoming a better writer even though I haven't published anything, I love being in the restaurant business, I want to open a bar, I have traveled a lot, I want to travel more, I want to write a novel I am proud of, I want to write respected essays, I have been in love, I have had my heart broken, I have had the mad passionate love affair I always wanted, and it is beautiful. I try to live responsibly, in terms of the planet and my fellow lifeforms, human or animal or vegetative or otherwise. I have 28 cents in my bank account, and I'm not sure where I'm going to live in five weeks, but I have had and am having some amazing experiences, and that is all that matters to me.)
And now I'm going to go have a drink at my job, and then meet friends for dinner, and then barhop around the east village, and that is exactly what I want to do on this, my thirtieth birthday, and Friday after work there will be partying until dawn, and next week I will write the story I've been cooking up while I've been celebrating this last week, and it will be brilliant. Cheers.
Birthdays, holidays, new years. They all make all of us take a moment to look at our lives, to measure ourselves against something, but not always in a real way, in a way beyond noticing that on certain days of the year we feel the need to take stock of ourselves. But what does this really mean? What are we measuring ourselves against?
It has always seemed to me that some people - maybe most people - have a sort of built-in checklist, imposed by society or not, that allows them to determine how successful they are. Common entries include but are not limited to: go to college, get married, buy a house, have babies, make shitloads of money, etc. And because I viewed these things as items on a checklist I was supposed to be using to keep track of my life, I think I've been trying to follow my own path, but the horrific checklist has always been in view, so maybe I've been just as bound by it as I was afraid to be, just in a different way than if I had been trying to check things off of a list...
On the other hand, even as I have avoided having a checklist, there are things that I have and haven't done that make me feel more or less successful - if I can still use that word - than I have wanted or expected to be. Perhaps one day I will be able to articulate these things without making them sound like items on a list.
(For example: I have a lot of really great friends, I have a good relationship with my parents and sisters, I have a beautiful nephew I never get to see, I have a master's degree, I am becoming a better writer even though I haven't published anything, I love being in the restaurant business, I want to open a bar, I have traveled a lot, I want to travel more, I want to write a novel I am proud of, I want to write respected essays, I have been in love, I have had my heart broken, I have had the mad passionate love affair I always wanted, and it is beautiful. I try to live responsibly, in terms of the planet and my fellow lifeforms, human or animal or vegetative or otherwise. I have 28 cents in my bank account, and I'm not sure where I'm going to live in five weeks, but I have had and am having some amazing experiences, and that is all that matters to me.)
And now I'm going to go have a drink at my job, and then meet friends for dinner, and then barhop around the east village, and that is exactly what I want to do on this, my thirtieth birthday, and Friday after work there will be partying until dawn, and next week I will write the story I've been cooking up while I've been celebrating this last week, and it will be brilliant. Cheers.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
blogging
Once a month is unacceptable, isn't it? I blogged on my other blog last week, but seriously what's the point of having two blogs if you're not writing in them? Part of the point, I suppose, not to answer my own question in such a ridiculously defensive way that it makes me feel a little schizophrenic, is that each blog has it's own theme. This blog is for making (non)sense - clearly. This is where I get to explore and analyze and make connections and question assumptions and all that yummy stuff. And sometimes I talk about food or books or whatever I want because blogging is inherently self-centered and self-important, even as it is generous and generative, an inlet and an outlet. The other blog, the newer of the two, is focused on travel, on my travel experiences and on travel more generally. That doesn't mean, of course, that I can't talk about traveling in this space or that the other will not sometimes look like nonsense.
So all of this got me wondering about blogs about blogging, particularly how one would go about googling that, and it's surprisingly easy (Google is so smart). On a side note, there seem to be several definitions (or assumed definitions) of metablog, which should technically mean a blog about blogs, but that's not the entry at Wikipedia and it's certainly not how this guy is using it. But for pointing me here, where I just read this: "the nesting hormones are so strong right now that the adrenaline rush I got from organizing our toothbrushes was not unlike snorting an entire eight ball of cocaine," = fabulousness and he can toy with linguistics a little bit.
And apparently there is a list of the Top 25 Blogs about Blogging, which would seem a bit excessive if I didn't think it was absolutely fabulous that the blog about blogs lists blogs about blogs and is on its own list at #5. But it seems that most of these metablogs are really about marketing and what other blogs are posting (like a news feed) or about how to blog than what I was more interested in, which is of course theory... Wow, this is really bad poetry. This one is pretty interesting and informative. But what I was really looking for were more academically-minded blogs about blogging, but I'm suddenly wondering if that is too narrow of a topic. I don't think so, but I don't have time to keep doing research today. (How did my friend put it? We decided the internet was a great/terrible medium for my scatteredness. And that blogging about a single topic - travel - was good for my focus.) But an example would be this article here, which I will finish reading later because how productive is it to blog about blogs about blogging when there's more writing to do.
So all of this got me wondering about blogs about blogging, particularly how one would go about googling that, and it's surprisingly easy (Google is so smart). On a side note, there seem to be several definitions (or assumed definitions) of metablog, which should technically mean a blog about blogs, but that's not the entry at Wikipedia and it's certainly not how this guy is using it. But for pointing me here, where I just read this: "the nesting hormones are so strong right now that the adrenaline rush I got from organizing our toothbrushes was not unlike snorting an entire eight ball of cocaine," = fabulousness and he can toy with linguistics a little bit.
And apparently there is a list of the Top 25 Blogs about Blogging, which would seem a bit excessive if I didn't think it was absolutely fabulous that the blog about blogs lists blogs about blogs and is on its own list at #5. But it seems that most of these metablogs are really about marketing and what other blogs are posting (like a news feed) or about how to blog than what I was more interested in, which is of course theory... Wow, this is really bad poetry. This one is pretty interesting and informative. But what I was really looking for were more academically-minded blogs about blogging, but I'm suddenly wondering if that is too narrow of a topic. I don't think so, but I don't have time to keep doing research today. (How did my friend put it? We decided the internet was a great/terrible medium for my scatteredness. And that blogging about a single topic - travel - was good for my focus.) But an example would be this article here, which I will finish reading later because how productive is it to blog about blogs about blogging when there's more writing to do.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
stories and romance
I don't know if it's the spring - the thaw, the sun, the rain - but I've felt very romantically-minded lately. Is love in the air? Who knows. Not any more than usual, I suppose, haha.
But staring out the window at work the other day, chatting with my friend, who is a very passionate, sensitive, romantically-minded woman as well, we got to talking about how much we both love the rain, and I was reminded of my first kiss in the rain, and how do we even speak of such things without sounding completely cliche and ridiculous? but it was probably still one of the best kisses of my life, even though I haven't seen that person in over ten years and he means nothing to me and he was a total jerk. The point is, it wasn't really him, even though it partly was. It was the rain. It was the night. It was the illicitness of the situation - we were young, he was my boss, my parents hated him - but more than anything else it was the rain. The rain is what keeps that kiss in my memory, the feel of wet staccato and skin sliding under fingertips, hair matted to cheeks.
And last night I heard two stories, one very similar to one I could tell but with so much more complication - and you think your life is complicated! - and the other so unlike anything I could know.
Imagine two kids, growing up in a small village in Peru. He says he wants to run away with her and one day she shows up at his place with a bag, ready. They're fourteen, but it's forever, so he packs a bag, throwing anything he can into a suitcase, and they head to Cuzco, no warning. Their families are freaking out, worried, they try to reassure them over telephone wire, it's forever. Things are tough, but eventually they are better, they're selling flowers in the plaza, and they live like this for ten years. And then she meets a Frenchman and he, heartbroken of course, moves first to LA and then to New York, the Peruvian in the funny hat. So romantic.
And me? I'm listening to Ely Guerra and pretending it's a rainy day so I can lounge around the house writing instead of enjoying one of the first lovely spring days in New York. Because I would rather be alone with my thoughts than alone in this beautiful weather. Hahaha, maybe. So dramatic.
Really it's because I'm working on a story about a woman who's just come back from a year abroad - a year of five-minute romances and books in cafes and bicycles on the Mediterranean coasts - and she comes back to all the things she left and is leaving, and she feels guilty about maybe feeling vaguely superior, and everything's the same and everything's different, old and new at the same time, and so is she, and it's so unfinished. It's so unfinished.
But staring out the window at work the other day, chatting with my friend, who is a very passionate, sensitive, romantically-minded woman as well, we got to talking about how much we both love the rain, and I was reminded of my first kiss in the rain, and how do we even speak of such things without sounding completely cliche and ridiculous? but it was probably still one of the best kisses of my life, even though I haven't seen that person in over ten years and he means nothing to me and he was a total jerk. The point is, it wasn't really him, even though it partly was. It was the rain. It was the night. It was the illicitness of the situation - we were young, he was my boss, my parents hated him - but more than anything else it was the rain. The rain is what keeps that kiss in my memory, the feel of wet staccato and skin sliding under fingertips, hair matted to cheeks.
And last night I heard two stories, one very similar to one I could tell but with so much more complication - and you think your life is complicated! - and the other so unlike anything I could know.
Imagine two kids, growing up in a small village in Peru. He says he wants to run away with her and one day she shows up at his place with a bag, ready. They're fourteen, but it's forever, so he packs a bag, throwing anything he can into a suitcase, and they head to Cuzco, no warning. Their families are freaking out, worried, they try to reassure them over telephone wire, it's forever. Things are tough, but eventually they are better, they're selling flowers in the plaza, and they live like this for ten years. And then she meets a Frenchman and he, heartbroken of course, moves first to LA and then to New York, the Peruvian in the funny hat. So romantic.
And me? I'm listening to Ely Guerra and pretending it's a rainy day so I can lounge around the house writing instead of enjoying one of the first lovely spring days in New York. Because I would rather be alone with my thoughts than alone in this beautiful weather. Hahaha, maybe. So dramatic.
Really it's because I'm working on a story about a woman who's just come back from a year abroad - a year of five-minute romances and books in cafes and bicycles on the Mediterranean coasts - and she comes back to all the things she left and is leaving, and she feels guilty about maybe feeling vaguely superior, and everything's the same and everything's different, old and new at the same time, and so is she, and it's so unfinished. It's so unfinished.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Writing Challenge
More lists...
Writer's Digest - two competitions, several categories. Win a trip to New York City! Wait...
deadlines 5/1/09 and 5/15/09.
FreelanceWriting.com's list of contests.
Manuscript Editing's list.
Warning to writers about contests from Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America
Free to Enter!
Wergle Flomp Humour Writing Contest from Winning Writers.
I sit here looking at the lists of contests that come up when you simply enter "writing contest" into Google, and other than being supremely discouraged by the often astronomical entry fees (a quick glance yields anything from $10 to $65 - no, I'm not kidding), all I keep thinking is that doing all this research, compiling all these lists, means that I'm not actually writing. Enough of that.
Writer's Digest - two competitions, several categories. Win a trip to New York City! Wait...
deadlines 5/1/09 and 5/15/09.
FreelanceWriting.com's list of contests.
Manuscript Editing's list.
Warning to writers about contests from Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America
Free to Enter!
Wergle Flomp Humour Writing Contest from Winning Writers.
I sit here looking at the lists of contests that come up when you simply enter "writing contest" into Google, and other than being supremely discouraged by the often astronomical entry fees (a quick glance yields anything from $10 to $65 - no, I'm not kidding), all I keep thinking is that doing all this research, compiling all these lists, means that I'm not actually writing. Enough of that.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
starting a business
In the interest of research and compiling lists (which I love), I have decided to follow my curiosity concerning what it would take to start a business, for instance a bar. This is completely outside of my realm, of course, as I've never taken a single business or business-oriented class. However, not *completely* since I've been in the restaurant business for ten years and, let's face it, I can do anything.
http://www.ychange.com/ - Straight-forward in tone, the Business Articles section looks fairly useful, especially at the early stages of research, and contains several pdfs with lists (which I love). They also do startup consulting if their extensive website isn't enough. Interestingly, one of their points of advice is to have a site map on your business's website in order to facilitate customers finding what they're looking for, as well as getting your site to pop up on web searches, and I don't see a site map on the main ychange page. In fact, there seems to be no way of searching the site. Except, of course, Googling ychange and what you're looking for, but that might be more work than a potential customer wants to do. Just saying.
SCORE is "a nonprofit association dedicated to educating entrepreneurs and the formation, growth and success of small business nationwide." Not the best-written sentence I've ever seen, but what an incredible resource. There's a whole section on Starting Your Business with articles like a Six-Month Plan to Transitioning from Employee to Entrepreneur and a 60-Second Guide to Financing Your Startup Business. They also have a Template Gallery, which is especially useful to someone who isn't sure how to begin. And check out their women-specific site.
The U.S. Small Business Association is a good place to get started as well, with everything from Getting Ready, where you will find a useful FAQ section, to Getting Out, should the need or desire arise.
There is also an abundance of software designed to help you build a business plan, such as Bplans.com, where you can find 500+ sample business plans for businesses in places like Southern, Your State. Or Plan Magic. And don't forget about Wikipedia (as if that were possible).
Of course, anyone thinking of opening a bar had better be pretty familiar with their local liquor laws. So in New York I would check out the New York Liquor Authority, naturally, and there I would find, among other things, the instructions for applying for a liquor license. And say we're opening a bar that will serve food, we'll need an On-Premises Liquor license, which costs $4,352 for 2 years in New York County. Good to know.
Essential information from the NYC Health Dept (Food Service Establishment fee is $280 + $105 for the food protection certificate for whoever is in charge of food [possibly multiple people]). And from the New York State Taxation and Finance office regarding Starting or buying a business. And information on insurance. And the Business Certificate for Partners for New York. Check with the NYC Dept of Buildings.
Further reading:
--Entrepreneur.com has an article and ebook on opening a bar/club, and chapter 1 is available for download. Their books are available at the NYPL's SIBL branch on Madison and 34th.
--New York Mag's three-year-old article is pretty specific - just what we're looking for.
--According to this 2007 article in Forbes, a Micros system that does everything I would want it to ("three touch-screen workstations, printers, cash drawers and credit-card processing, as well as nifty software that can track inventory turnover rates, schedule employee shifts and process customer loyalty cards") would cost about $12k.
My mother always said I should have something to fall back on. To be continued...
http://www.ychange.com/ - Straight-forward in tone, the Business Articles section looks fairly useful, especially at the early stages of research, and contains several pdfs with lists (which I love). They also do startup consulting if their extensive website isn't enough. Interestingly, one of their points of advice is to have a site map on your business's website in order to facilitate customers finding what they're looking for, as well as getting your site to pop up on web searches, and I don't see a site map on the main ychange page. In fact, there seems to be no way of searching the site. Except, of course, Googling ychange and what you're looking for, but that might be more work than a potential customer wants to do. Just saying.
SCORE is "a nonprofit association dedicated to educating entrepreneurs and the formation, growth and success of small business nationwide." Not the best-written sentence I've ever seen, but what an incredible resource. There's a whole section on Starting Your Business with articles like a Six-Month Plan to Transitioning from Employee to Entrepreneur and a 60-Second Guide to Financing Your Startup Business. They also have a Template Gallery, which is especially useful to someone who isn't sure how to begin. And check out their women-specific site.
The U.S. Small Business Association is a good place to get started as well, with everything from Getting Ready, where you will find a useful FAQ section, to Getting Out, should the need or desire arise.
There is also an abundance of software designed to help you build a business plan, such as Bplans.com, where you can find 500+ sample business plans for businesses in places like Southern, Your State. Or Plan Magic. And don't forget about Wikipedia (as if that were possible).
Of course, anyone thinking of opening a bar had better be pretty familiar with their local liquor laws. So in New York I would check out the New York Liquor Authority, naturally, and there I would find, among other things, the instructions for applying for a liquor license. And say we're opening a bar that will serve food, we'll need an On-Premises Liquor license, which costs $4,352 for 2 years in New York County. Good to know.
Essential information from the NYC Health Dept (Food Service Establishment fee is $280 + $105 for the food protection certificate for whoever is in charge of food [possibly multiple people]). And from the New York State Taxation and Finance office regarding Starting or buying a business. And information on insurance. And the Business Certificate for Partners for New York. Check with the NYC Dept of Buildings.
Further reading:
--Entrepreneur.com has an article and ebook on opening a bar/club, and chapter 1 is available for download. Their books are available at the NYPL's SIBL branch on Madison and 34th.
--New York Mag's three-year-old article is pretty specific - just what we're looking for.
--According to this 2007 article in Forbes, a Micros system that does everything I would want it to ("three touch-screen workstations, printers, cash drawers and credit-card processing, as well as nifty software that can track inventory turnover rates, schedule employee shifts and process customer loyalty cards") would cost about $12k.
My mother always said I should have something to fall back on. To be continued...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Mega Millions
With the jackpot currently estimated at $212 million and the next drawing tonight - and the economy being what it is - talk at work this afternoon once again touched on the lottery, and most importantly what would you do if you won? Would you go to work tomorrow?
One of my colleagues said he would run for president. I'll leave that alone.
He asked me what I would do, and it took me a second to think of anything because I haven't thought about it in a while. I haven't even played a scratch-off in almost three years, and other than a summer of manic Powerball playing, I had only bought a ticket a handful or two of times. Receiving a large sum of money changes everything, but hundreds of millions of dollars? It doesn't even make sense. I can barely imagine. Except the thing is that I can of course imagine. It is not unthinkable for a person to have that much money. In fact, according to a quick Wikipedia search, there are about 95,000 people with more than $30 million, and more than 1,000 with over a billion.
On the flip side, roughly a billion people live on less than $1/day...
So for a $212 million jackpot, the annual payout is somewhere around $7 million each year for 26 years or $137 million all at once. In other words, if I were to win the lottery (the odds of which are 1:175,711, 536), several million dollars would almost immediately be at my disposal. My first answer to my colleague's question was, "oh, I'd do a million things..." How vague is that? I would though. Then I started listing things, and the first thing I thought of was paying off my student loans and credit cards. How practical am I? How preoccupied with my current financial state am I?, is the more accurate question.
I would buy a really nice but not over the top apartment, maybe in Manhattan but more likely in Brooklyn, somewhere near the train and convenient to the city, Park Slope probably. I would most certainly quit my job, not because I don't like it but because I know my shifts would easily be covered. I would buy the perfect venue and open the perfect bar. But I would go somewhere sunny first - Oaxaca maybe, where it is currently 82 and clear. I would go shopping but not too much (the Gap has really cute spring sweaters and I discovered yesterday in the snow that my boots are no longer entirely waterproof). I would set up college funds for my nephew and every other child I know or who may come into existence in the near future. I would take dance lessons and pilates, I would finally learn to play my beautiful candy apple red Fender Squier Strat. I would relax a little, which means I would write more. I would travel. I would buy my parents a boat. I would donate to charities.
The point is that I would still work my ass of, I would still do the things I am planning on doing now, but it would make those things a lot easier. Okay, I'm not really planning on buying my parents a boat. So maybe I would do things a little more extravagantly, but I live well. It would be nice, but I don't need it. Unfortunately, a vast majority of the people that spend their hard-earned cash on lotto tickets really do need the money. And maybe one of them will get it tonight.
One of my colleagues said he would run for president. I'll leave that alone.
He asked me what I would do, and it took me a second to think of anything because I haven't thought about it in a while. I haven't even played a scratch-off in almost three years, and other than a summer of manic Powerball playing, I had only bought a ticket a handful or two of times. Receiving a large sum of money changes everything, but hundreds of millions of dollars? It doesn't even make sense. I can barely imagine. Except the thing is that I can of course imagine. It is not unthinkable for a person to have that much money. In fact, according to a quick Wikipedia search, there are about 95,000 people with more than $30 million, and more than 1,000 with over a billion.
On the flip side, roughly a billion people live on less than $1/day...
So for a $212 million jackpot, the annual payout is somewhere around $7 million each year for 26 years or $137 million all at once. In other words, if I were to win the lottery (the odds of which are 1:175,711, 536), several million dollars would almost immediately be at my disposal. My first answer to my colleague's question was, "oh, I'd do a million things..." How vague is that? I would though. Then I started listing things, and the first thing I thought of was paying off my student loans and credit cards. How practical am I? How preoccupied with my current financial state am I?, is the more accurate question.
I would buy a really nice but not over the top apartment, maybe in Manhattan but more likely in Brooklyn, somewhere near the train and convenient to the city, Park Slope probably. I would most certainly quit my job, not because I don't like it but because I know my shifts would easily be covered. I would buy the perfect venue and open the perfect bar. But I would go somewhere sunny first - Oaxaca maybe, where it is currently 82 and clear. I would go shopping but not too much (the Gap has really cute spring sweaters and I discovered yesterday in the snow that my boots are no longer entirely waterproof). I would set up college funds for my nephew and every other child I know or who may come into existence in the near future. I would take dance lessons and pilates, I would finally learn to play my beautiful candy apple red Fender Squier Strat. I would relax a little, which means I would write more. I would travel. I would buy my parents a boat. I would donate to charities.
The point is that I would still work my ass of, I would still do the things I am planning on doing now, but it would make those things a lot easier. Okay, I'm not really planning on buying my parents a boat. So maybe I would do things a little more extravagantly, but I live well. It would be nice, but I don't need it. Unfortunately, a vast majority of the people that spend their hard-earned cash on lotto tickets really do need the money. And maybe one of them will get it tonight.
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